Odds and Ends and Scattered Thoughts

Hey everyone, it’s been a while since I posted, huh?

It’s not that I haven’t had ideas–instead, rather, I almost have had too many. I’ve been thinking about a lot of things, with no real connecting thread. I’m gonna put down these germs of ideas as a way of letting you know what’s been on my mind, but also a way of reminding myself what I want to be writing in future. It’s also gonna be in bullet point format because I like bulleted lists, probably too much.

Here we go.

  • Gender. I’ve been having a lot of thoughts about my gender and how I present it, lately, and while I’m still teasing out the specifics, there’s enough there that I want to share it with those of you who read this blog.
  • Poverty. I’m poor, as I’ve mentioned in my introductory post and elsewhere, and it definitely has a huge impact on my life. Being poor shapes how I approach every purchase I make, obviously, but also other things about my thought processes, both blatant and less so. I don’t think you can really understand poverty unless you’ve experienced, but if I can open a window into my life I’d like to.
  • Superheroes. I’ve been experiencing an uptick in my thoughts about how DC comics and related media mischaracterizes their cast, some of the most iconic in the genre. There’s a lot of wasted potential there and it makes me surprisingly upset.
  • A sequel of sorts to my last post, examining my (lack of) relationship with my mother and talking about ways I can maybe open it up enough to contact her and thank her for some financial support she recently gave us, without falling back into patterns that were destructive for us both.

So that’s what’s been in my head. What about yours, followers? Any of these you have your own thoughts on?  Anything you’d particularly like to see me expand on? I want to hear from you.

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I’m not a “good writer”

Or so I’ve been led to believe all my life. Not by concrete words to that effect–quite the contrary, my verbal skills were overwhelmingly praised through my entire time in academia. But despite this, I’ve never conceptualized myself as “good at writing”, as a person who Writes.

Sure I occasionally jotted down my thoughts, sure other people told me they were lucid and interesting, but that doesn’t make me a writer, right? It makes me, I don’t know. A pretender. Someone with delusions of literary talent. Playing in a sandbox while other people are building skyscrapers.

How did I reach this conclusion? What happened to make me think this way? I don’t know if I can pinpoint a specific causative event, especially since I’m still in the process of unpacking how far down this lack of faith in my own skills goes. But part of the problem, I am pretty sure, is that I am a descriptive, rather than creative, thinker. I can articulate my experiences and observations. I’m told I can do it well. But I can’t invent, I’ve never been inclined in that direction.

It’s taken me years to grasp that “can’t invent” is not synonymous with “can’t write”. Even now, while I recognize it intellectually–certainly my love of nonfiction points to this conclusion–I have trouble believing it on an emotional and personal level. Yes, essay and other nonfiction writing are skills. I know this. But I am unwilling to accept that they are skills I have, despite evidence to the contrary.

This blog, as with so much of what I do these days, is an attempt to unpack the assumptions I’ve made about myself. To find the ways I’ve learned to minimize myself and my accomplishments, and to challenge them. To gain confidence and hopefully to connect with other people along the way.

Maybe I’m not a great writer. But I’m not a bad one, and I can get better.

Once More Into the Breach

Hi folks.

I’ve had “serious” blogs before, but they’ve always eventually found themselves lying fallow, bereft of new content. But I’m really wanting to explore writing more deliberately and potentially one day parlaying it into something I can make money for, so the first step was having a space specifically dedicated to organized, lengthier thoughts.

Not sure when my first real post will go up, but keep your eyes peeled and enjoy the ride.